Before the Storm
by Tomoe2
Summary: Shishio's been defeated and Kenshin is on the mend. Kaoru decides to prepare a surprise to cheer Kenshin. Without knowing, she's about to take him back to a painful past he had long forgotten.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

"Did you even stop to ask yourself if this was a good idea?" said Megumi.

"I don't understand why you're so riled up! I did this to cheer him up! It's a happy surprise!" replied Kaoru, defensive.

"Do you ever think beyond your own feelings?" asked Megumi.

"Can you two stop? We don't have to go ahead if he doesn't want to," chimed Misao.

"Stop what?" said a male voice.

The three women turned around to face Kenshin who'd just come back from an errand.

"It's…" started Misao.

"Nothing," interrupted Megumi.

"They've found the village," interjected Aoshi, annoyed at having to be witness to all this just because he was incapable to move.

Kenshin stared at the trio.

"The what?" he asked.

Megumi sighed then threw her hands up.

"I want no part in this."

She walked out.

"Megumi...dono?"

Keshin followed her with his eyes as she left the room shaking her head. Confused, he turned back to Kaoru.

"What is going on?" he asked.

The woman shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot.

"I thought…"

"Can you guys do this somewhere else?" asked Aoshi, only to be completely ignored.

Kaoru strengthened her resolve.

"Shall we go to Otsu?" she said,

Kenshin reeled. He heard the echoes of her words in his own voice. An image of Tomoe flashed in front of his eyes.

"Kenshin?"

He snapped back to reality. Kaoru eyed him with concern.

"Why would we go to Otsu," he managed to ask, his mouth dry.

"I… I made inquiries…" she began but stopped, uncertain of the whole idea at this point. Maybe Megumi had been right, after all.

Kenshin stared at her wide eyed. Inquiries? How could she have found this information out. He didn't think that anyone alive knew of what had happened deep in that mountain. Plus he had burnt that house down. There should have been nothing left of it.

"Kenshin, are you alright?" asked Kaoru with growing concern.

"How did you find about… this?"

She twisted her hands.

"Well we asked your master where he'd found you, and, judging by the time elapsed between your sale to the slavers and the time you were freed, we established a possible radius… Aoshi also helped," she explained.

"Reluctantly," added the man.

"Misao and everyone here looked around for a village that could possibly be where you were born. I thought you might want to know…"

Kenshin stared at her. As relief washed over him, he started to feel his heartbeat go back to normal. His birthplace. This was what this was all about. Suddenly, a completely different set of emotions took over him. He had never really thought about going back, especially since there was no "home" for him.

"I'm sorry," said Kaoru. "I didn't think this would upset you…"

He shook his head, trying to dispel the last remnants of his earlier shock.

"It's… fine. I just…" He looked around, as if the words could be found on the walls of the room. "I wasn't expecting this." he admitted.

"We don't have to go…" said Kaory, meekly.

Kenshin tried to make up his mind about this but just couldn't think straight yet.

"Give me some time to process this."

Kaoru nodded.

"Well… I… I guess I'll just go now."

He turned around and awkwardly walked away.

"That foxy doctor was right," said Aoshi.

"Oh shut up, will you?" said Misao.

Kaoru turned to her in shock. Misao shrugged.

Kenshin sat on a bench and observed the barges go up and down the Kamo river. On the other side, longs strips of colourful silk floated on the water, their dyes left to set. His mind was blank. He'd thought that Shishio's death would bring him closure, yet it seemed it had only rekindled memories of his past in a disorganised and out of focus fashion. The nightmares he had managed to keep at bay in the last few years were back. The idea that Kaoru could have known and investigated his past had sent him in a panic. He hoped he would never have to tell his friends about this side of himself. A barge came dangerously close to the silk. Two men yelled at each other.

"I thought I might find you here," said a soft voice.

He turned to see Megumi's silhouette against the sun. She sat next to him. They remained in silent contemplation for a while\\.

"I can't believe I'm about to do this," finally muttered Megumi.

Kenshin shot her a sidelong glance, intrigued.

"Kaoru... She just wants to make you happy," she said.

"I thought you wanted nothing to do with this," replied Kenshin with a smirk.

She sighed.

"I don't. But I have to make sure you keep your promise."

Kenshin looked down at his calloused hand, unable to find anything to say.

"She means well," insisted Megumi.

"I know. But I haven't spared a thought for that place in years. I'm not even sure of what I will or _can_ even find there." _I don't need to reopen more old wounds_ , he thought.

"That is true. But maybe it would be nice to see the place for what it truly is. And maybe…" She hesitated. He faced her.

"Maybe you'll want to pray at your parents' grave."

He looked at the river anew. Children were running on the far side, picking up stones, playing with take tombos and temaris. He couldn't remember ever being a child. He had vague memories of working the field with his father, but no clear image of his mother. He'd always assumed they'd died and that was why he had been sold. He couldn't remember their passing.

"Maybe," he echoed.

Megumi shifted towards him.

"After the Bakumatsu, you never thought about finding your village again?"

What could he possibly have found there? Had his parents been alive, or had he been wanted, he would never have ended as a slave. Nevermind that. He could never have stood in front of his family with that much blood on his hands. He clenched his fists on his lap.

"It didn't cross my mind."

His tone made it clear that the conversation was over.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

They left at dawn. Megumi, having decided to stay a little longer to help Misao with Aoshi, saw them off to the end of the street. Yahiko and Sanosuke walked with them for a while, parting ways to head for the tokaido. Kenshin hadn't slept. He dreaded the road to Otsu and the memories it would awaken. He feared people might recognise him as the redheaded youngster who'd fled the city with a gorgeous young woman in a white kimono.

They progressed slowly. Kaoru stopped at every roadside stand or teahouse, chatted with other travellers and stopped here and there to admire the view. Her excitement betrayed her nervousness. Kenshin tried to force himself to enjoy the journey. He attempted to keep the conversation alive a few times but it inevitably fell flat every time. He didn't want to focus on the past, yet he caught himself trying to reconcile the blurry memories of his night escape with Tomoe with the sunny road he was now on countless times. Was this stream where they'd stopped for water? Was this old teahouse where they'd hidden for many hours, fearing that they'd been followed? Was this where the strap of Tomoe's zori had snapped and forced him to carry her for a while? He couldn't tell.

When they reached the first major fork in the road, Kaoru rummaged through her pack to find the directions she'd been given.

"It's this way," said Kenshin, pointing at the path on the left.

"How do you know?" she asked, surprised.

He shrugged, trying to act normal.

"I… Just a feeling. The position of the sun and all that," he explained, rather unconvincingly.

Kaoru finally found the directions.

"You're right." she said, incredulous.

 _Take the left at the first fork. Go all the way to Ostu. Our contact will take it from there._

Katsura's words echoes in Kenshin's mind.

They walked in silence for the rest of the way. When they reached Otsu, the sun was at its zenith, making Biwako shimmer. They found a grilled catfish stand, bought lunch and found a quiet place to sit near the shore.

"You've been here before," stated Kaoru.

"Yes," he replied.

She smiled.

"That's good! It means we're on the right path."

He gave her the best smile he could muster. How could he possibly tell her that his memories of this place didn't involve a little boy, but a teenager pretending to be a peddling medicineman? That this place was painfully connected to his deceased wife? He could still hear the cranes take flight in the dead of winter, sense the snow falling in fluffy flakes and feel the warmth of her hand in his for the first time… He felt his chest tighten.

"We could call it a day and go back to Kyoto, Kenshin," said Kaoru, sensing that something was amiss. "I've always wanted to see Biwako anyway."

He shook his head.

"No, no. It's alright. I'm curious to see the village. Kaoru-dono, I'm very grateful for this opportunity. I just…"

He didn't know where to take his sentence. He looked at the lake. A fishing boat was coming back, its tairyo flag out. Cheers could be heard from the pier. He envied those people their simple life.

"I just have a lot to process, still," he finally said.

Kaoru visibly relaxed.

"Of course. Shishio's death…"

"Yes. That, too. But Kyoto and its surroundings are deeply connected with my past life. It's been over ten years since I've been here. I'm remember many things I didn't necessarily cared to."

She put a hand on his.

"I understand," she said kindly.

He smiled at her. She didn't understand. Sadly, she never would. And he hoped she never would.

They lingered in Otsu for a little over two hours; Kaoru wanted to see the town and go to the local shrine to make a small offering. Kenshin followed her distractedly, trying his best to cover his face from inquisiting gazes. A few times, he was convinced that he'd been recognised. He fought hard to keep his steps even, his heart calm. He was relieved when they finally left the town and took a less traveled path.

"Here."

Kaoru handed him a small washi enveloppe. He looked up at her.

"What is it?" he asked.

She smiled.

"A little something to make sure everything goes well."

He tilted the envelope and a small piece of embroidered red fabric fell in his palm. He flipped it over and saw the characters for good fortune embroidered below a complex knot.

"I can tell something is bothering you, so I asked the kami to protect you."

He stared at her for a moment then suddenly embraced her. Taken aback, Kaoru froze.

"Kenshin! People are coming!" she said in a nervous voice.

"Thank you," he whispered before letting her go.

Kaoru turned around and started walking at a brisk pace but not quickly enough to prevent Kenshin from noticing how red she had turned.

The afternoon was drawing to a close when they made it to another intersection. The path on the right went up a gentle slope but looked like it had been abandoned some time ago. Kenshin could tell that it had once been well-traveled. He tried to clear it in his mind to see if it would trigger any memories. It didn't. He sped up to catch up with Kaoru who hadn't hesitated to take the path on the left.

"We should be almost there..." she said, looking at the instructions they had been provided.

"There is a settlement ahead," replied Kenshin, pointing.

Kaoru looked up.

"I can't see anything but a hill," she complained. He could tell she was getting tired.

"Don't look straight ahead. Look up. There is smoke."

She followed his finger. Thin columns of smoke were rising straight in the windless sky. The sight seemed to reinvigorate her. They pushed on.

When the reached the crest, a small village came into view. About two dozen houses lined the only road of the hamlet. Roughly at the center, a few souko we surrounded by closely built one story houses. The further they were from the center, the more spaced the habitations were. Rice paddies and small vegetable patches occupied most of the remaining space. This small valley was tucked between steep mountains on the left and a more gentle green sloped on the right. Kenshin assumed there had been a landslide in recent years.

"So?" asked Kaoru, eagerly.

He turned to answer her but before he could even open his mouth, he was interrupted.

"Shinta, is that you?"

The couple turned around to face a young peasant woman carrying a faggot on her back.

"It _is_ you!" she exclaimed.


	3. Chapter 3

"Excuse-me?" asked Kenshin.

"Come on, Shinta! You don't recognise me? It's me, Yuwa!"

Kenshin scratched his head, trying to remember the face of the woman in front of them. The name felt vaguely familiar. The woman shook her head, as smirk on her lips.

"You always were a little slow," she said, laughing.

Kaoru turned to him. _Shinta?_ She mouthed

Kenshin nodded but before he could respond, Yuwa turned to face Kaoru.

"You got yourself a pretty little wife there! I'm Yuwa. I basically raised that idiot."

She pointed at Kenshin and laughed with mirth.

"I'm Kamiya Kaoru. Pleasure to meet you."

The newcomer smiled.

"Pleasure! Now come, you two. The village is waiting for you. Had I know Shinta was the guest everyone was fussing about, I wouldn't have worried as much!"

She laughed again, hooked her arm around Kaoru's and half dragged the woman along with her. Soon, the two women were in deep conversation, Kenshin all but forgotten.

He sat on the engawa of the first house in the valley. Kaoru was exploring the small garden while, at the same time, trying to catch one of the cats that had come meandering from under the shed. Kenshin tried to focus his attention to his surroundings. Purple morning glories bordered the vegetable patch. Beyond it, the vivid green rice stalks stretched all the way to the gentle slope. It was clear that this was were he had been born. He had only given his childhood name to two people: one was his master and the other had died during the bakumatsu. Yuwa knew his childhood name. He didn't belief such a thing to be a mere coincidence. However, no matter how he tried to remember, nothing came to him. This could have been any village in Japan.

Yuwa came out of the house carrying a small tray. She handed him a cup of barley tea before sitting next to him. He observed at her as she drank. She had removed her headscarf but still wore her work clothes. Her faded blue breeches were tucked in her jikatabi. She looked up and their eyes met. He looked away.

"Shinta, you've grown quiet," she teased. "You were quite the chatterbox, if I recall properly."

In the distance, Kaoru squealed with joy, the cat now cradled in her arms. Surprisingly, it didn't attempt to free itself.

"She's lovely, that one. A bit young, but nothing I haven't seen before," said Yuwa.

Kenshin shook his head.

"She's not my wife."

She took a sip of tea.

"She wants to be," she replied.

Kenshin felt himself reddening. Yuwa pretended not to see.

"She says you call yourself Kenshin now. Did you choose that name?"

Judging by the way the corner of her lips were slightly raised, she was half curious, half amused. He sighed and shook his head.

"My master gave it to me."

She eyed his sword, now resting next to him.

"Was this master the person who…"

He shook his head. He told her how he had ended in Hiko Seijuro's care. She listened attentively.

"I see. I'm not surprised. You were always a good little boy."

Kenshin smile weakly. Had he?

"Do you live here alone?" he asked.

"My husband is probably somewhere in the field. That or he's having a little drink in preparation for tonight." She winked.

Kaoru walked up to them and sat on a stump, the cat purring in her arms.

"Your hometown is so beautiful, Kenshin!"

He leaned forward and pet the cat's head. Something inside his chest tightened.

It was late afternoon when Yuwa finally took them to the village chief's house where they received a warm welcome. A humble celebratory feast had been prepared in their honour and the entire village joined. The food served was humble, but quite delicious. Sake flowed freely. Although Kenshin was the "guest of honour" few people came to talk to him aside from those who, he assumed, felt they had to. By comparison, Kaoru had already been adopted by a group of women and she held a baby in her arms as she chatted with them. He also noted that the villagers were, on average, fairly young. He wondered to what extent war and disease had contributed to this. Above all, one thing was obvious; most of them had no idea of who he was.

When the sun finally hid behind the mountains, most of the villagers returned to their homes. The remaining few people, Yuwa and her husband, joined the newcomers in the chief's house to continue the revelling. More drinks were poured and tongues loosened. They talked of bygone days, of the village before the landslide, and of the new world order, whatever that meant for them. Kenshin soon noticed that despite their merrymaking, there was a sense of unease in the room. Had this been the bakumatsu, he would have expected someone to attack at any moment. No one spoke of his parents. No one spoke of his being sold into slavery. Of course, the latter would have been rather inappropriate. He tried to relax and enjoy himself. Kaoru certainly was. He knew she would eventually fall asleep and regret her decisions tomorrow, but for now, she was having the time of her life.

Kenshin excused himself discreetly, slipping out of the chief's house as soon as he could do so without appearing to be ungrateful. He stood in the deserted street. The waxing moon shone brightly in the cloudless sky. The hot air hung heavy in the valley without a breeze to cool the night. He stared at the shadows, his heart heavy.

"There you are."

He spun around and saw a woman's silhouette approaching. Yuwa stopped by his side and handed him a sake gourd. He uncorked it and took a small sip. He was surprised at how cool it was. He passed it back to her.

"You felt it, too, didn't you?" she asked.

He nodded.

"The young ones don't know your story. And the few older ones who are left are too ashamed to talk. Especially in front of me"

"What do you mean?" he asked.

She drank some sake, stoppered the bottle and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"They don't want to talk in front of me because my father is the man who sold you."


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

Kenshin stared at her. She smiled at him wistfully and handed him the sake. He took it but didn't drink.

"Your father sold me?" he finally managed.

She nodded, her lips pinched.

"I had always thought that my parents..." the words caught in his throat.

He passed her the gourd then turned away to face the moonlit field. Emotions suddenly overwhelmed him. His chin trembled. His eyes prickled. In the back of his mind, he'd always carried this heavy weight, this painful thought that his parents had given him away because they hadn't wanted him. It had been part of his identity. It had made him who he was. If what Yuwa had said was true – and he believed it was – he could finally let go of this painful burden. But did he want to? He clenched his fists, trying his best to prevent the tears from spilling on to his cheeks.

Yuwa took a few steps back and sat on the edge of a cart. She unstoppered the gourd and drank some more. She tried not to look at Kenshin but just couldn't. She felt like they were back to the bakumatsu era and he was in her care again. Little Shinta had always been a happy kid and when he'd been sad, he'd always fought the tears. If he cried, he'd always done so hidden from everyone. Back then, just as in this very moment, she fought the urge to take him in her arms to comfort him. Shinta would have resisted. Kenshin was a stranger.

The moment passed and Kenshin found his voice again. He took a deep breath.

"Why did he sell me?"

Yuwa got up. Somewhere back in the chief's someone had intoned an old song. In the distance, a bamboo fountain echoed as it emptied itself. The question hung in the heavy air of the summer night. She swallowed.

"After you were gone, I practiced this scene over and over in my head. I believed that you would be back, that you wouldn't be away for too long. In that scene, however, you were a little boy and I an eleven year old girl."

She paused, desperately trying to find the right words.

"But you never… And time… Well time passed…"

He turned to face her. He brow was furrowed and she was pinching her lips.

"Ask me an easier question, please," she finally said.

He could tell that she wanted nothing more than to look away but she sustained his gaze.

"I feel like nothing about this is easy. But maybe you can answer this question: why don't I recognise anything? Why, if this is truly my village, is nothing here familiar?"

Her shoulders lowered slightly as she relaxed.

"This part of the village is recent. It was extended after the landslide."

She faced the chief's house and pointed at something higher up in the distance.

"The place where we grew up was way up there. The area where we stand was mostly occupied by rice paddies back then."

He nodded. This would explain it. Suddenly, a thought came to him.

"The path to the right, just before the last hill…"

"Yes, this used to be the main road."

She offered him the sake anew. He refused. A moment passed.

"You friend is having a great time with everyone and my husband doesn't drink; he can bring her back to my place later. The night is clear. What do you say we walk up to the old village. If we take our time, we will get there just before the sunrise."

He hesitated a moment. What if he went up there and still didn't recognise anything? He decided that having come this far, he needed to take that risk.

"As long as you tell me everything on the way there."

She started to talk as soon as they had passed her house, the first in the valley.

"I know most of this from my father's second wife, who was your mother's sister. Her twin, in fact. Your mother's name was Yuki and your aunt's name was Yumi."

"Yuki…" mouthed Kenshin. Twins.

"They were born in Otsu but moved to the village when my father asked Yumi to marry him. You grandparents were already gone by then and so Yuki came along. I don't remember them coming to the village; I was only a baby. My mother had died giving birth to me and I was not even one year old when my father remarried. For as long as I can remember, the four of us had lived together. Yumi made me call her okasan and she was really good to me until my brother, Junichiro, was born. I was around 4 by then, and I might have believed myself to be invisible it it hadn't been for your mother. She took care of me, played with me, and always made me feel loved. I feel like my parents, who now had an heir, saw me as a burden, the reminder of a painful past."

They had reached the top of the hill. She stopped and turned back, laying a loving eye on the village. Kenshin looked at her.

"Did they have red hair like me?"

"No. That came from your father. Let's continue."

They resumed their walk.

"You father was called Himura Shintaro. He was a peddling haberdasher. He came to the village for a few days every season. He brought silks, ribbons and other materials for the women. He would stay one or two days, sometimes longer if the weather was inclement, and then be on his way. I loved Shin-chan. He always had sweets for me. I wasn't the only one who loved him. All the women of the village had a crush on him. He was tall and muscular and his black hair made his purple eyes even more striking."

"I thought you said the red hair came from my father…" he said, puzzled.

"It did. I don't think he knew the specifics himself, but somewhere in his family tree had been a red-headed nanbanjin with pale eyes. According to Shin-chan, the red hair resurfaced every few generations, stayed for a while, then disappeared again. Or so the story went."

Kenshin was shocked to know that he had non-Japanese blood in his ancestry. If Yuwa noticed, she didn't show it.

"To say that my father didn't like yours would be an understatement. He despised him. He didn't trust him and especially didn't like how he and your mother were very close. He saw Yuki as his ward. Soon, what was meant to happen happened: your mother discovered she was with child a month after Shin-chan's last visit."

"Your father must have been furious," he said.

She nodded.

"I still remember the day she told him. I came back from the field to find Yumi crying with a wailing Shinichiro in her arms. Inside, I could hear my father bellow with rage. Since Yumi mostly ignored me, I creeped closer to the door and spied inside. Your mother was seated with her back straight. I will never forget the determined look on her face. My father stormed and yet she remained calm like the Buddha. Shintaro would come back. Shintaro would do the right thing. She kept on repeating those words. Eventually, my father threw his arms in the air and just gave up. And so the waiting game began."

Kenshin tried to picture his mother. He searched his memories for and image of her. He found nothing but emptiness.

"The moon waxed and waned as your mother's belly rounded. She never doubted his return and his integrity. And she was proven right. Shintaro's next visit was to be his last stop as a peddler. As soon as he heard of Yuki's condition, he married her and they settled in a small dilapidated house that had been empty for a while. To my father's horror, it was right next to ours."

She chuckled, far away. He wished he could have seen what she did.

"The next few months were pure bliss. Although I still lived with my family, I spent most of my time with yours. Shintaro proved to be an excellent farmer and Yuki mothered me, going as far as telling me that you would be my little brother. I was delighted and afraid. Yuki was Yumi's exact copy; what if she acted the same her sister had after the birth of her own child?"

She turned and smiled at him.

"These fears were unfounded. You came into this world with your bright red hair and your purple eyes and from that day, love only grew. Yuki was sick for a while after your birth, I wouldn't be able to tell you what it was, but it kept her in bed for most of the winter. I took care of you during that time. I almost never returned home. I don't think I was missed at all. It didn't matter to me. I was six years old and your little mother."

Her voice was warm with affection. He suddenly realised that her tone had changed. The merry chatter she had greeted them with earlier that day had been a front, a way for her to hide the complex emotions she had felt when abruptly reunited with her past. They walked in silence for a while. In the darkness of the forest, their footsteps were dampened. He tried to think, to process all this information, but found that his brain was simply too overwhelmed. Yuwa resumed her story.

"This was probably the best time of my life. But it wasn't to last. As soon as she was better, your mother got pregnant again. The midwife said it was twins. Whatever it was, it put your mother through Hell. She was constantly sick and often distracted. She would cry when she had moments of lucidity. She apologised to you for being a bad mother. Shin-chan and Yumi were worried. Your aunt offered to take you on, but your father refused;I took care of you. You weren't yet two years old when Yuki went in labour. It was too early. It lasted hours. You cried the entire time. I tried everything to comfort you but nothing would do. Looking back, I feel like you knew. "

Yuwa had stopped a few paces ahead of him. Her voice trembled. She drank some sake. Kenshin dreaded what was to come next.

"The twins were born in the middle of the night and didn't live to see the day. Your mother followed them not long after."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

They reached the intersection in silence. Yuwa needed to collect her thoughts. Or maybe she was giving him time to collect his. Kenshin couldn't to tell. None of this new information was having the impact he had believed it would. Knowing that he had been wanted had been a greater shock. The story the woman was telling was more hers than his. He felt a pang of guilt.

"What did she look like?" he asked, softly.

Yuwa turned to him as if coming out from a dream

"Your mother? She was short, I'd say about your height. She had long silky black hair and dark skin from working in the sun. In the winter, however, her skin would be as pure as snow. She had a scar above her right eye."

Yuwa touched her own eyebrow.

"She used to tell me that she'd gotten it fighting a kappa. Yumi told me it was actually from their father beating her after Yuki had stood up to him. She wasn't one to sugarcoat things."

Kenshin tried to picture his mother. A blurred image of Tomoe came to mind. He pushed it away.

"Let's go up," said Yuwa. "The road is strewn with rocks and branches so watch where your step."

The woman didn't wait for him. He hurried after her.

After a while, it became clear that Yuwa wasn't going to continue her story. At least not for now. He hesitated a moment, then decided that he should offer her a tale in return.

"I should probably tell you why I call myself Kenshin and not Shinta…" He paused, waiting to see if she would react. She didn't. He continued.

"I don't quite remember how it happened or how long it had been since I had left the village, but I ended up with a group of slavers."

This time, if only for a split second, it seemed like she would stop walking. She didn't. It didn't escape him.

"There were two nice girls in the group. They immediately took me under their wings."

Kenshin then proceeded to tell Yuwa about Hiko Seijuro and how his master had renamed him. He told her of his training and of the Bakumatsu. He told her of his involvement in the revolution. He couldn't see her face and the sound of her breath didn't give anything away but he was certain that she was listening attentively. When he reached the part about Tomoe, a part of his history of which even his friends weren't aware, he didn't hesitate even for a moment. There was something freeing about telling a stranger about his life.

"And this is how I got my scar," he concluded.

They had reach a small plateau. Yuwa had slowed down and finally stopped. He could see slivers of moonlight fall on her silouhette ahead of him. She didn't say a word.

"I haven't talked about this to anyone in years," he confessed. "I realise this isn't the most appropriate of stories. I'm sorry if I upset you."

She shook her head.

"We're almost there," she said without turning around. Her voice was emotionless. They resumed their walk.

About twenty minutes later, the trees parted and they found themselves in a moonlit field. The air was cooler and cleaner. Kenshin welcomed the refreshing breeze. On the right, he spied a small dilapidated temple, its wooden planks a silvery grey. Unkempt tall grass surrounded it and continued unbroken for a long distance. It appeared to stop right next to a simple but large wooden house which almost leaned against the hill at its back. Kenshin took a few steps in the cleaning. On the left, it ended abruptly with a sheer cliff. Far below, the village lay asleep in the valley. The view was simply breathtaking.

"The entire village used to be up here?" he asked.

Yuwa stood next to him, looking down. She seemed to have regained her composure.

"Yes. The river used to flood a lot so it was safer up here. Until the landslide, that is. Come, I will show you."

Kenshin's eyes lingered on the village for a moment. He wondered if Kaoru-dono was asleep. He followed Yuwa. As they advanced, he noticed the ruins of many wooden houses. It looked as though they had been carefully dismantled; what remained must have been deemed unusable. They passed the large wooden house he had noticed earlier. It looked solid. He wondered why only this house had been left intact. He had just had this thought when he noticed a smaller house fairly close to the first one. No one had tried to reuse its material. It was hard to say for sure in the darkness, but the roof appeared to have rotted and caved in. The door was gone. The gaping hole made him shiver.

Distracted, he almost collided with Yuwa. She didn't notice.

"About ten years ago, the rainy season got particularly bad. The crops rotted in the field. Mold crept everywhere and one morning, the god of the forest decided that they'd had enough. This entire part of the mountain slid down."

She pointed at the steep slope in front of them.

"It was horrible. The trees, the houses, everything came crashing down the mountain in a gigantic mud wave. Luckily, most people were at the temple; the chief had called an assembly to assess the state of our crops."

Kenshin remembered that rainy season. He'd been on the road, sleeping in barns, getting food where he could. It had been a difficult time.

"Still, some people died. The elderly who'd stayed home. The young mothers and their infants. It was a sad day."

He voice trembled. She wiped her face with the back of her hand.

"I'm sorry," he said.

She shook her head and smiled weakly at him.

"It's ok. Come. Let's sit over there. I should finish our story."

They sat on the roots of an old tree. They had a gorgeous view if the village below. Yuwa stared in the distance, wringing her hands. Her cheeks still bore traces of her tears. She cleared her throat.

"Your father was devastated by your mother's death. It left him alone in a village that was not his own. I feared for a while that he would leave and take you with him. In tears, I confided in him. To this day, I wonder if I didn't affect his decision. I have spent many sleepless nights feeling guilty for my selfishness."

She sighed.

Kenshin only knew too well the pain his father had gone through. However he and Tomoe hadn't had a child. He wondered how things would have turned out had a constant reminder of his first wife been around.

"Whether it was in part my doing or not, Shin-chan and you stayed in the village. He worked really hard on the farm and I helped whenever I could. In the beginning, you cried a lot, asking for your mother. Then, one day, you stopped. You became the happiest child I had ever seen. I was relieved not to have to console you non-stop but I just couldn't understand what had triggered that change. You were around two by then. Your father later told me that you'd walked in on him crying one afternoon. He believed it had traumatised you and that in your young mind, you'd decided to be happy for us."

Kenshin had no recollection of this. However he couldn't deny that this tendency had stayed with him.

"The four years that followed were uneventful for the village. The civil war raged outside, but our little haven was spared. You grew up to be a vivacious little boy. Although it took you a while to start talking properly, once you did, you never stopped. You were curious and adventurous. You got us both in trouble countless times. You slept in my futon. You ate everything I prepared without complaints. And you smiled, always. I held your hand in mine and felt like the luckiest girl in the world At time you called me onee-san, at others Yuwa-chan but never Okan. I always feared that you would and that your father would hear. But you never did."

Yuwa's hands were clenched on her yukata. He waited for her to continue. She took a deep breath.

"You would have turned six in the fall when it came. The fever. It came with the heavy tsuyu rain and devastated the village. Some blamed the merchants that had passed through with their dubious wares most likely stolen from corpses. Other said that the gods were displeased with this war where brothers killed brothers. I didn't have time to consider why people were dying or why our crops were failing; I had to take care of you. Although you didn't get sick, your father did. Against my will, I moved back with my family with you in tow. I felt like a stranger in that house but Shin-chan was adamant that we leave lest we get sick, too."

She paused and in the silence, Kenshin noticed that the sounds of the night had died down. On the horizon, a dim light contoured the curves of the mountains bordering the other side of the valley.

"Not long after we moved in with my father, Shinichiro fell sick. He had always been a sickly child and so the fever took hold. He was gone within a week. Your aunt went crazy with grief. The death of your mother had already shaken her but this truly destroyed her. My father said that we had brought the sickness with us, that it was all Shin-chan's fault. I did my best to defend him but I soon fell sick, too. For some reason, you remained perfectly healthy."

Suddenly, she turned to him and took his hands in hers. He started.

"I should have protected you better, Shinta. I mean… Kenshin. I'm so, so sorry."

She hung her head and raised their hands to her forehead. He could feel her tremble.

"A doctor came. No woman in the village trusted him; they hid their children from him. He had a reputation... He met with my father and, just like that, you were gone. I was hysterical when I realised what had happened."

She looked up to him. The words rushed out of her like a river in spring.

"I should have been there. I should have protected you. And now I know that because I failed you you had a horrible life…"

He squeezed her hands. Her distress broke his heart.

"You were only a child. How could you possible have prevented your father from selling me? This is not your fault."

She shook her head and sighed.

"A few days later, through my fever, I witness Shin-chan burst into our house in search of my father. The rumours of my dad's nefarious sale had reached him. He kept yelling your name, asking where you were. When my father finally confronted him, I feared that one of them would die. I hoped it would be my father. But nobody died then. Your father eventually went back home but not without breaking my father's nose. Yumi saw the whole thing in a daze. I'm not sure if she even remembered it afterwards. When I was finally able to walk again, I went to your house. I was terrified of what Shin-chan would say but my love and my grief were stronger."

She bit her lower lip.

"I found Shin-chan hanging from the rafters," she said. "I had nightmares for years. Sometimes I still see his face, Shinta."

As if relieved of a heavy burden, her shoulders slumped. She turned away from him, covered her face with her hand and cried. Kenshin stared off in the distance. The night had paled, leaving in its wake a burst of pinks and yellows. It seemed as if the mountains were ablazed.

"I think I remember that doctor you talk about now. The slavers killed him somewhere outside Ostu. He was too old. But I would have sold for a nice sum."

His voice was but a whisper. He wondered if she had even heard it.

So had his life been. A series of misfortunes from which he had miraculously escaped mostly unscathed, at least physically. He wondered if his life would have been as hard had he remained in the village. He looked at Yuwa. He wanted to comfort her. He didn't know how he possibly could. How did one comfort a stranger?

He didn't have time to ponder the question. From behind them, a voice called out.

"Yuu-chan, is that you?"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Kenshin turned around, startled. Yuwa jumped to her feet and hastily wiped her face.

"You're up early," she said, swiftly walking up to the old man who stood a few paces from them.

"I wanted to see the sun rise. Who is your friend?"

The man's voice was raspy, as if roughened by years of drink. Kenshin stood up.

"This is Kenshin," immediately replied Yuwa. He cast her a sidelong glance.

"Kenshin… Never heard the name. Come make me breakfast," he said without skipping a beat.

"Sure, sure."

Yuwa grabbed the man by the arm and tried to take him back to the only house left standing. The man followed then suddenly stopped dead in his tracks. He turned around and shuffled up to Kenshin.

"I know what you're up to, Himura," he spat. "If you lay a finger on her I will kill you."

Kenshin froze. The man glared at him for a moment then his featured softened. He turned his head this way and that, then, catching sight of the woman, he called out to her.

"Yuu-chan! Who is your friend?" he asked.

Yuwa took the man by the arm anew and hurried back to the house with him.

"Wait here. I'll be right back," she yelled to Kenshin over her shoulder.

Bewildered, he nodded then sat back down.

The sun had started its ascent, basking the old village in its warm light while the valley remained in the shadows. Kenshin closed his eyes and let the morning rays caress his tired face. He felt Yuwa sit next to him. He waited.

"I'm sorry," she finally said.

"That man…" he started. "Is he…?"

"Yes. He's my father. Your uncle."

Kenshin opened his eyes.

"The man who sold me."

"Yes." A whisper.

Yuwa shivered. What would Kenshin do? It had taken her years to come to terms with her father's actions. And now that she knew Kenshin's story, she wasn't sure if she'd ever even forgiven her father. Yet she felt she needed to defend him.

"After your father's suicide, the village shunned my father. They ignored him completely. So when Yumi fell sick, no one helped. She died a year after you… left. He was a man consumed by grief and rage. The villagers ignored me, too. I was left to take care of him on my own. I thought about ending it all many times but I even the darkness of hours, I felt that I needed to stay alive for Yuki, for Shin-chan… for you."

She looked down at her hands.

"It took me a long time to learn of the doctor's death. No one would talk to me. They found his body. They said you'd been killed, too, but I didn't believe it. I didn't want to. It would have made my burden too heavy. I had to carry on thinking that you were alive and well somewhere."

He pulled his arms in his sleeves and crossed them on his chest.

"What he said a moment ago…"he began.

She shook her head.

"Not long after the landslide, he started to lose his memory. He sometimes thinks I'm his first wife. He wasn't talking to you. He was talking to your father." She looked up at him. "The hair is all wrong, but you do look very much like him."

She paused.

"I lied to you yesterday. I knew you were the guest coming to the village. I insisted that I should be the one to host you and your friend. I was terrified. So I rehearsed our first moment until I thought I had covered every possibility. Except I hadn't planned for everything."

"You didn't expect me to have forgotten you."

She nodded.

"So I panicked and I reverted to the merry façade that had allowed me to survive for years in a village who believed that the sins of the father were visited on the daughter."

"I'm sorry," he said.

"I'm the one who's sorry."

She stood up.

"I have to go check on him. He refuses to move down with the rest of the village so I have to come up here every day. You can go and take a look at your house if you want. No one touched it. They all believed that the spirits of your parents haunted it. I tried to keep it in order for as long as I could but time did its work."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Kenshin approached the house slowly. He circled it. Now that it was light, he could see that it was a little bit bigger than he had initially thought. The back was where the damage was most important. The wall had collapsed, taking with it part of the roof. A young tree now grew out of the hole. On the far side, brambles were so thick that he had to retrace his steps. He found himself in front of the entrance anew. He peeked inside. The layout was similar to the house he had lived in with Tomoe. He looked up at the roof. It still looked relatively solid. He gave the doorframe a good push. Dust floated down but the structure held. He risked a few steps inside.

"Tadaima," he whispered. If the spirits of his parents haunted the place, they didn't respond.

The irori had been filled with straw, not doubt by animals seeking to build a nest. He bent and ran his fingers across the wooden floor leaving clear marks in the dust. He noticed the broken remains of a screen where the roof had collapsed. Against his better judgement, he followed the line of the ceiling, trying to see if he could tell which one of them had supported his father's lifeless form. He couldn't. He dusted a small area of the elevated floor and sat on the edge. A bird came through the door and perched itself in the tree behind him. The sound of the breeze and the chirps of the bird were his only companions.

He tried to make sense of it. He had vague memories of his father working the land. He also remembered helping. When he focused, he could almost picture his face. His mother was another story. It made sense, of course. She'd died young. Yet he had always felt like she was there in his mind, just out of reach. Could it be that what he was actually picturing was Yuwa's face? Maybe.

He shifted, trying to cast his eyes on something that might trigger a memory. As he did, his foot hit the riser with a hollow sound. He frowned and kicked it again. Interesting. He got up to his feet and crouched. He knocked on the planks with his knuckle. Definitely hollow. He ran his fingers along the joints until he finally found what he'd been looking for. He slipped the tip of his fingers in the small ouverture and pulled. The decaying wood gave and splintered, sending a cloud of dust in Kenshin's face. He coughed, waving his hand in front of himself. Once the air had cleared, he pried the rest of the plank off. In the hollow, he found a small journal. Water and bugs had gotten to it and it was impossible to even open the thing. He set it aside. He wiped his hands on his hakama. He looked again in the cavity. There appeared to be something in the far corner but he couldn't see it for the dust. Leaning forward he extended his arm and reached out. His fingers met with something smooth. He peeked in and repositioned himself to get more reach. He finally managed to close his hand around the object and pulled it out.

Kenshin blew the dust off. It was a small koma, a colourful red lacquered spinning top. Despite the time it had spent in the damp, it still looked fairly good. He felt the weight of it. It looked like it was a really good quality toy. He had no string to wind it up but he decided to try it on the floor space he had previously cleared. The toy whirred to life on the wooden board. He observed it, as if hypnotized. His chest tightened. Tears welled in his eyes. He bit his lower lip.

 _His house wasn't really far. Yuwa nee-chan wouldn't even know he was gone. He needed to go back. He knew that Oton was sick and that it would make him better if he stayed away, but he had forgotten his koma. He couldn't possibly be without it. He would be in and out. Oton himself wouldn't even know he'd been there. He pictured the toy in his mind, bright red and shiny; his most prized possession. Only a few more moments, he thought, and he would have it again._

 _Despite the rain, the door to the house was open. Even better. As quietly as he could, he stepped over the threshold. A foul smell lingered. He covered his nose. Having only one hand would make his task harder but not impossible. He crouched down._

" _Shinta!"_

 _He turned around to find his father towering over him in the doorway. His hair was wet, plastered on his face. His cheeks were sunken in. He reeked even more than the house. Shinta trembled. He tried his best to smile._

" _I just wanted to get my koma," he explained._

" _Get out of here!" his father yelled._

 _He fought his tears._

" _I will, I just…"_

 _His father didn't give him the time to finish. He picked up his son and all but threw him outside. Shinta landed in the tall grass._

" _Go away. Go away and don't come back unless I tell you to!"_

 _Shinta stood up. He took a defying step towards his father._

" _I want my koma! I want you! Why do I have to stay in that house? They're mean to me! They're mean to Yuwa nee-chan!"_

 _Shintaro covered his face._

" _Shinta, go! Do as I tell you!"_

 _His last words were lost in a fit of coughing. Shinta took the occasion to move closer to his father. He latched onto his leg. The man tried to push him away._

" _Shinta, no! Leave! Go back!"_

 _The boy shook his head._

" _I want you. Don't make me leave. Don't leave me like Okan!"_

 _Using all the strength he could muster, Shintaro pushed his son away from him. He crouched and held him by the shoulders in front of him._

" _Shinta. I just need to rest. I am not going anywhere."_

 _He pulled something out of one of his sleeves and put it in Shinta's hand. It was a koma._

" _It's a not the one I want!" protested Shinta, his lower lip quivering._

" _I know, but it's a new one. I made it for you. Take that one. I don't want you near the house, do you understand."_

" _But I want the other one!"_

 _Shintaro stood up and pulled his son by the arm as far as he dared go. When he finally let go, he gave him a small push. Shinta stumbled forward and fell to the ground._

" _Now go!" his voice cracked. His face crumpled._

" _Oton!"_

 _The boy tried to get closer. A rock flew near him and landed behind him._

" _Go! Shinta! Just go or I promise you I will not miss next time"_

The spinning top slowed down to a stop. Tears coursed freely down his cheeks. He sat on his heels. To think he had burnt down that koma with the house in Otsu. He carded his fingers through his hair and leaned forward. As sob escaped him. Then another.

Outside, leaning against the wall, Yuwa waited.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

Kenshin stood up. The worst of the storm had passed. He took the red koma and closed his hand around it. Fresh tears flowed from his eyes. He covered them with his free hand and took a deep, shaky breath. Although she hadn't moved, he suddenly felt her presence.

"Yuwa?" his voice was thick.

She stood in the entrance but didn't dare step in. He uncovered his eyes but didn't look at her.

"Is this familiar at all?"

He extended his arm, handing her the koma. She stepped in the house to take it. As soon as she realised what it was, her face lit up.

"This was one of the toys your father used to sell. It was too expensive for any of us; so he gave it to your mother when they got married. And she gave it to you."

He turned to face her. The sight of his tear stained cheeks and his bloodshot eye broke her heart.

"I remember," he said.

She smiled wistfully.

"I remember," he repeated, painfully. "You used to sit here and sing me songs when the weather was bad. Oton used to sleep in that corner, but you and I slept together so close to the irori that once the futon almost caught fire. This is where you crouched and washed the rice… This is…"

As he pointed to this and that area of the house, words escaped him faster and faster. Like an avalanche, small details kept growing into bigger memories that overwhelmed him completely. He staggered dangerously close to losing balance. Yuwa caught him and helped him sit on the raised floor. Dizzy, he lowered his head between his knees, his hands clasped behind his head. She gently pet his back.

"It's ok. It's ok," she repeated gently.

They spent a moment like this. Somehow, it felt right.

Kenshin finally propped his elbows on his knees and cradled his head in his hands.

"The tears," he said. "They just won't stop."

Yuwa continued to pet his back.

"You're safe here. You can cry. You're home. _We're_ home."

Another moment passed. He stood upright. She handed him the koma. He turned it over and over in his hands.

"I would like to see their graves," he said.

xxxxxxxx

The sun blinded him momentarily. It made his head throb even more. They walked in silence to the small temple. If his uncle was about, he didn't show himself. They got around the dilapidated structure and found themselves in a small cemetery. Yuwa lead him to his parents' tombstone without hesitation. A bundle of purple morning glory had been laid on the base.

"Did you...?" he asked.

She shook her head.

"I always clean the area, but my father brings the flowers."

"Your father?" said Kenshin, taken aback. "I thought he hated them."

"I don't know why he does it, maybe it's guilt. But he's been doing it since after Yumi died and it's the one thing he never forgets."

She pointed at another tombstone. Flowers had also been laid.

"This is my family's plot."

Kenshin got closer. He spied three names on the stone. Yumi. Shinichiro. Shinta… Shinta?! He turned to Yuwa but she was quicker.

"This isn't for you. My father adopted my husband, so we all share this plot."

She paused and took a deep breath. She looked at him in the eyes.

"Shinta was my son. He died a few days after he was born. He almost took me with him. Almost."

"I… I'm so, so very sorry."

She waved her hand, as if to brush the topic aside.

"I still had a role to play in our story," she said. "So the gods spared me so that one day, you and I would be reunited."

She glanced at her son's resting place then back at him.

"You probably have many things to tell them. I'll leave you to it."

She walked away. Kenshin observed her for a moment then went back to his parents' grave. With the tip of his fingers, he caressed the top of the stone. He crouched and traced the characters. Himura. Although it was remarkable clean, he wanted to purify the stone. He put the koma next to the flowers and stood up. He quickly found a stream. He walked up to it and, cupping his hands, scooped some of the cool water. He half-jogged half-walked back to the tombstone and let the water flow on top. He wiped his hands on his hakama and sat down in seiza.

He stared at the characters a long while. Where could he possibly start? What could he tell them that they didn't already know? He cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry."

His words were almost lost in the song of the cicadas. It would be a hot day.

"I'm sorry that I believed that you didn't want me. That…"

He couldn't say the words. Even thinking them was painful. He took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry that…"His voice faltered. He pushed through. "That I thought you didn't love me."

Fresh tears streamed down his face. He wiped them with the back of his hand. He sniffled.

"I remember now. Not everything, but many things." He sniffled.

Some small animal moved around in the tall grass, making it quiver.

"I often wonder why I made it so far. Maybe it's because you have been watching over me…"

He bowed.

"Please continue watching over me. I have done terrible things and I know I don't deserve this happiness, but please…"

He remained prostrated for a while. Finally he got back to his feet. He hesitated a moment, wanting to take the koma but he then decided against it. He would leave it there, his once most prized possession. What could be a better offering?

He took a few steps then glanced back. He smiled through his tears.

"In spite of everything, I hope I've made you proud."

Yuwa waited for him seated on the steps of the temple. She stood up when she saw him.

"Are you ready? If we go now we should get back to my house just in time for breakfast."

He took one last look at the village's ruins. He could almost see it come alive in his mind's eye.

"Yes. I'm ready."

When they reached the house, Yuwa's husband had just finished preparing breakfast. He raised an eyebrow at his wife. She rolled her eyes and shook her head. He laughed. Kaoru was seated in the shade on the engawa, nursing a hangover. The cat, as if in solidarity, was lying on his back but with one paw extended to touch her leg. Everyone, minus Kaoru, ate breakfast. Exhausted, Kenshin and Yuwa went to sleep for a few hours. Had someone walked in on them, they would have found the pair sleeping on their back, their hands extended, fingers touching.

XXXXX

They turned around and waved many times. Yuwa and her husband had seen them off to the limit of the village and then stood watching over them as they made their ascent. When they reached the top of the hill, they waved one last time. The valley finally disappeared and they entered the forest's shade. To Kenshin's amazement, Kaoru seemed to have completely recovered. She lead the way with a light step but he still felt tired.

"Did you go to the old village last night?" she asked after a while.

He nodded.

"Did you see your parents' grave?"

"Yes."

"That's great! Maybe one day we could come back and you can introduce me," she said.

"Maybe," he replied with a gentle smile.

Delighted and looking forward to rubbing her victory in Megumi's face, Kaoru picked up the pace. Kenshin shook his head.

As they'd gone down the mountain, Yuwa and Kenshin hadn't talked much. However, they'd agreed on something. This was the last time that they would see each other. Some things were meant to stay in the past. Now that she knew he was alive and now that he remembered, they could finally close this chapter of their lives and move forward.

He hoped that he would be able to tell Kaoru-dono of his childhood one day. Maybe one day, he would learn to share his pain with the ones he loved.


End file.
